Chinese Citizens Kind Of Grateful To Not Have Access To All Of Internet

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BEIJING—Asserting that their government’s policy of strict censorship was not completely detrimental, China’s 1.4 billion citizens admitted this week that they are actually kind of grateful to not have access to the entire internet.

Members of the Chinese populace pointed to endless social media updates, native advertising disguised as legitimate editorial content, and sound-producing banner ads as just a few features of the internet that they don’t particularly mind having blocked, with citizens telling reporters that, all things considered, the regulations that wall off the bulk of the world wide web have actually proven beneficial to their lives.

“I really don’t want any of those capabilities if it would mean I’d regularly have to sit through a 30-second laundry detergent commercial in order to watch some office’s poorly filmed parody of Pharrell’s ‘Happy’ music video.

Additionally, numerous citizens expressed their gratitude that Chinese authorities systematically prevent them from accessing Western news websites, noting that the same media outlets that might reference the Tiananmen Square massacre or the recent protests in Hong Kong would likely also include in-depth coverage of the latest viral wedding proposal video and mid-level celebrities’ recent style makeovers.

In fact, many of the Chinese citizens surveyed expressed sympathy for people in other countries who were exposed to the entirety of the internet without constraint, particularly the residents of the United States and other Western nations who must routinely contend with 3,000-word thinkpieces about superhero movies, blurry concert footage recorded on a cell phone, and online comments consisting largely of the phrase “butthurt” on a daily basis.

Added Bao, “To be perfectly honest, when I think about how I’d actually like to be spending my time, I think the government could stand to crack down on our internet access a little more.”

 

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(Looks at Twitter feed) I can sympathize.

“But that also means we don’t see overfiltered photos of food truck tacos or videos of high school students asking celebrities to accompany them to prom, and we never will.”😁

Communist Chiese Proverb. The less access to the Internet, the more greatful they become.

Seems like a win to me. You don't see them posting Tide Pod or Fire Challenge videos.

Might seem like satire, but I actually come across comments at places like Quora where Chinese netizens praise their government and system for 'protecting' them so well.

They're missing out on coolmath4kids

Most specifically...the website that streams the leaked sex-tape of Steve Buscemi...

I feel bad for the Chinese if they can't keep up with the Kardashians

The internet is nothing more than a tool of the capitalist Devil, said party Chairman Lee, as he cracked his whip and ordered them back to work.

Some things you just don't want to see

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